Tag Archives: family

Marriage is more than a facebook status

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It is easy to tell everyone how much you love your wife on Facebook. It is not hard to talk about how great she is in public. But marriage is not that easy. Anyone who communicates something different, either is not married or is probably hiding something.

Now, I certainly do not want to hear all the deepest darkest evils of your spouse. I’m not sure its wise to broadcast to the world all your secret struggles. Its just the more I read my Bible the more I realize that Jesus tells us a story about marriage that looks nothing like the fairytales we read to our daughters.

The story he tells of marriage in the Bible too often reads more like a horror film. There is lots of war, blood, and guts. Not to mention the centerpiece of the story is an instrument of torture, the cross. And yet it is a love story. It’s a love story that will get you through the difficulties of marriage.

The Bible’s love story tell us that the way you get through difficulties is not by selfishly avoiding them but by embracing them the same way Jesus did. Instead of forsaking his bride, He cried, “My God my God why have you forsaken me?” so she would never be forsaken.

As gruesome as it sounds, we know that the difficulties don’t tell the whole story. There’s a resurrection and a coming kingdom marked off by a tremendous wedding feast. Its true marriage isn’t easy but there is also a mysterious glory found beyond the hard times.

The Bible tells us that Jesus embraced the shame of the cross for the joy set before Him. May we not try to gloss over the difficulties of marriage communicating something weak and artificial to the watching world. May we embrace the difficulties that lie behind our facebook statuses and picture albums.  Just as Jesus embraced our difficulties may we believe there is a greater joy in sacrificing for one another.

Summit VII Breakout Session

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During this years Summit VII which is being held in Louisville, KY on May 12-13.  I have the privilege of leading a breakout session entitled “Pastoral Ministry and Cross Ethnic Adoption.” We will be discussing: How leading your local church to champion cross-ethnic adoption can lead to a greater understanding of kinship in Christ and a more aggressive approach to gospel unity in the church.

Because the act of adoption is a reflection of what God is doing for us in Christ, the gospel can be experienced in a myriad of practical ways within and through the lives adoptive families.  When connected to the church’s mission is assisting these families in the rescue and care for orphans, there are a myriad of practical gospel benefits that can be experienced in the life of the body.   The church is able to more deeply understand what it means to be a family that God is creating through adoption as the gospel echoes in 3D from the nursery to the student ministry wing to the worship center.

I hope you will join us on May 12-13.  Register for Summit VII here.

As lesson in eschatology from an Ethiopian orphanage

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As we drove through Addis Ababa the excitement about receiving our two newest sons was numbed by the blatant display of poverty along the streets.  The mass of humanity before us was sprinkled with ‘outcasts’ whose residence was at best a worn blanket or a piece of plastic.  Beggars drug their deformed legs on the pavement.  The aroma of roasted corn cooked and sold on the sidewalk waffled through the air.  Every now and then, the undeniable odor of refuse was added to the smog. If poverty has a smell, this is it!

I stared speechless out the car window as our driver recounted details of Isaac and Jonah’s life. He recounted the death of a mother and biological siblings.  He explained how it was impossible for their father to provide for them.

When they first arrived at the orphanage they both were severely malnourished.  Jonah had no mobility. His ankles were like jello. Questions about the beggars with deformed limbs no longer needed to be asked.  I now seemed to know firsthand why they drug themselves along the ground.

We finally turned down a gravel road that led us up to a metal gate.  I had seen this security gate in pictures and videos.  I had imagined this moment for months but it was not happening like I had imagined.

Certain parts of Addis have to share electricity in 24hr shifts.  This was a day when the electricity at the home happened to be out. There was also a thunderstorm rumbling in the background. I remember thinking, “This is no hallmark moment!”  And yet, the darkness and gloom was about to be overcome by the moment we had been waiting months to experience.

As the metal door was pulled open, I heard some of the nannies yell for Kenesa and Melkamu.  I walked down a dark hallway worried that the gloomy conditions would make the transition even more difficult.  As I turned to go up some stairs, two little boys met me.  I could not make out their faces, but I knew them and they knew me. They reached for us!

Isaac was the closest so I grabbed him. He tightly squeezed my neck with his thin arms. I don’t know if he was scared or excited.  I do know he had been waiting for me and was ready for something. With tears in her eyes, Danae went for Jonah.  In this moment pictures, videos, thoughts, and prayers became reality.  We were holding our new sons.

Jonah brought to us the pictures of our family we sent them months earlier.  Isaac showed me with pride their metal bunk beds. Before leaving, they made sure to hug and kiss all their friends.  After seeing many others come and go, it was now their turn to leave.  Isaac kept saying something that began with words I could not understand, but included, “airplane” and ended with, “to America!” He had obviously been prepared to leave and was ready to go.

I know this is not normal.  Many children when leaving an orphanage kick and scream to stay. This is one reason why the details of this day are so imprinted on my heart and mind. To this day I relive these moments every time one of them runs to my open arms.

We talk about this Day alot around our house. I pray we never shake the details that still seem so vivid. This day has often caused me to consider another Day.  The Day that is coming when the Eastern sky will be ripped open as the Son sweeps into this present orphanage.  The Day when He comes to rescue all who have been preparing to go with Him. The Day He comes to take over the world. On this Day all darkness and gloom will be shot with the light of His glory.

I pray constantly that all our kids begin to look for and hope in this Day the same way  Isaac and Jonah looked for the day when we arrived to bring them home.

Unlike Isaac and Jonah, my problem is that I am constantly lulled into forgetting how much bigger and better this Day will be than anything else I have ever experienced.  This is why I so desperately need the transitioning work of Spirit in my life. While He has already called me away from sin, He continues to convince me with the authoritative Words of Christ of the glorious details of this coming Day.

We know in part what this will be like if our hearts have been born from above. But on that Day we will see Him, know Him, and be like Him in an instant. For this reason we pray, “Abba Father!” and “Come Lord Jesus! Come quickly!”

Satan Hates Kids. What about you? Mark 10:13-16

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This is a sermon I preached on July 19, 2010 at AABC prior to our Vacation Bible School.  The sermon seeks to show the spiritual warfare that exists in our thoughts and ministry toward children.  Satan hates kids. Jesus loves kids. Whose side our we on?

Adoption Awareness Luncheon at AABC – August 20, 2010

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Ashland Avenue Baptist Church

August 20, 2010

11:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m.

Free Chickfila Lunch

AABC is committed to serving the 145 million children around the world who right now are languishing in abandonment.  This is why we want to connect our church family with others in our community who are passionate about caring for orphans.

On August 20, 2010, we are hosting an Adoption Awareness Luncheon.  If you are family who has adopted or who is looking into adoption, we want you to join us.  If you want to know how your church can be more effective in ministering to orphans, we want to meet you. Or maybe you are involved with an organization who helps to assist families and churches in adoption and orphan care. If so, we would love for you to join us as well.

Our prayer is that this lunch will help to increase the network of people in our community who are concerned about serving the fatherless around the world.

The lunch will include a special testimony about God’s grace in adoption along with a discussion, “Creating An Adoption Culture In Your Church.” The discussion will be led by Pastor David Prince and myself.

For more information call 8592664341 or email me here

visit ashlandbaptistchurch.org to rsvp

May 6, 2009 – Haskins Day

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I tossed and turned all night constantly rolling over to check my phone. We were waiting for one of the most important calls of our life.

At some point on the morning of May 6, 2009 a judge in Ethiopia was suppose to be looking over a set of documents that included just about anything you would want to know about our family.  We were praying it was enough information to make two boys then named Kenesa and Melkamu official Haskins.

After determining we were not going to hear from our agency for some time, I decided I would do some early morning yard work. I had just about finished weed eating when I heard my wife yelling with the phone to her ear, “It went through! They’re ours!”

I immediately ran into the kitchen having no concern for the mess I was making with the grass that now covered my feet.  Danae removed the phone from her ear long enough to confirm what I thought she had said. By the time she ended the conversation with our agency’s director, the other four kids had arrived in the kitchen to see what was happening.  We then announced to everyone that we had two new family members in Ethiopia.

I’ll never forget the shouting, crying, and eventually running and dancing in the rain that was now pouring outside.

May 6, 2009 was a day full of rejoicing and thanksgiving. By the end of the day, my phone was packed with texts, voice messages, and emails of congratulations.

For months our family and friends had struggled with us in prayer for this moment.  We had asked God to give us two new sons.  Our prayers that He would defend the fatherless on this day had been answered.  We were experiencing the blessing of knowing it was His will that two little boys once living in poverty and abandonment now had a family. May 6, 2009 was the day Isaac and Jonah became my sons.

I often wonder what they were doing on that day. I know for certain they had no clue of the celebration that was taking place in Lexington.  They were also oblivious to the transaction that took place in that Ethiopian court room, a decision that so radically changed their lives.

On May 6, 2009, Isaac probably kicked a soccer ball around the court yard of the transition home with no concept of baseball.  One year later he proudly stands in centerfield with Haskins #44 across the back his Braves Jersey.  On May 6, 2009, I am sure Jonah was making someone laugh. I bet he never imagined the hundreds of people on this side of the ocean who have fallen in love this little comedian.  I am sure they were both content with life as it was on that day.

Too often I find myself content with life as it is in this orphanage with little concern for the inheritance I will soon enjoy.  And still, my Father is happy to continue working for my good.  Even when I am unaware of it’s glory, He is literally rejoicing in my status as His son.

I doubt Isaac and Jonah had one thought of their new family on May 6, 2009.  Even so, we were consumed with them and couldn’t wait for them to experience and enjoy the blessings of being Haskins.

Happy Haskins Day Isaac and Jonah!  You have taught me more about my Father’s love for me than you will ever know.

If I could write a letter to me: confessions of a former racist dad

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This year M.L.K. day provided a significant moment for me as a dad. As I threw baseball with three of my four sons, I stopped for a moment to consider with amazement the scene before me.  There stood three boys, two white and one black, and they all with equal rights share my last name.

I have often thought like Brad Paisley, “If I could write a letter to me back when I was seventeen…”  If possible, the first thing I would do is rebuke every bit of the residue of racism that was alive in my life at that time.

I grew up in the rural south and as a teenager racism was still very much ingrained in my culture.  It was subtle, selective, and for the most part behind the scenes. However, when it reared its head it often directed its venom at two things that I now value most in life, family and missions.   It was a racism that allowed us to distinguish between those we claimed to love and pray for in Africa and those we neglected in our neighborhoods.

It breaks my heart to say that for sometime ‘the way I was raised’ trumped the gospel on certain issues of race.  I’m very proud of where I am from, but this is one root I’ve had to rip up, burn, and destroy.  In doing so, I’ve realized that racism isn’t just cultural it’s satanic.

As I watched my oldest son teach his little brother the right way to hold his glove when fielding a ground ball, I was brought to tears.  I immediately thanked God that I was literally seeing the sin of their father pass over them. I praised him for the way my family is a repudiation of the anti-Jesus prejudices I once subtly embraced.

The truth is at seventeen I already had a letter that had been written to me. I held in my lap every Sunday morning.  I just wasn’t really paying much attention to it. If I had, maybe I would have repented of my sin of racism, understanding that, “He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth having determined their allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling places.” (Acts 17:27)

Yeah but They were Rich: Blindness and The Blind Side by david e. prince

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I see very few movies that I really enjoy. The Blind Side was a movie that I knew was loosely based on a true story of the life of Michael Oher, a homeless inner-city teen, and his adoption by the Touhy family, wealthy Memphis suburbanites. Knowing the storyline contained S.E.C. Football and adoption there was no doubt I would go see it. I was expecting a second rate but enjoyable film but was surprised at how well the film was produced and at the gripping portrayal of the story.

I was far more surprised by the reaction of some of the Christians I talked to and heard talk about the film. In one conversation I was talking about how powerful I found the story as portrayed in the movie to which the person responded, “Yeah but they were so rich.” When I followed up to discern what they meant it was obvious that they were suggesting that the storyline was not powerful to them because the Touhy family was rich and, of course, rich people can do things like that, but not ordinary people.

I think the story is more amazing because the Touhys were wealthy. In our cultural fascination with money and possessions evangelicals are often blind to the constant warnings in the Bible about the danger of riches even while we carry our well worn study Bibles around (Matthew 19:21-26; Mark 4:19; 1 Timothy 6:9-11; James 2:6-7, 5:1-6). We believe that if we were rich we would automatically become more generous even though the Bible warns that most often the opposite happens. Money and possessions often shrink our soul, steal our affections, and blunt our compassion.

Jesus warned, “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God” (Matthew 19:24). Likewise, it is true that it is hard for a rich person to live with the priorities of the Kingdom as well. Too many times Christians hear these pleas to avoid hell itself and flippantly remark, “It may be hard for a rich man to go to heaven but I sure would like to try.” I suspect those are the same people saying, “Yeah, but they are rich” about The Blind Side. I am thankful for the racism and reverse racism that The Blind Side has exposed in the context of the beauty of transracial adoption but it is possible that the “ism” the film may most powerfully confront among Christians is materialism.

I posted some initial thoughts about the Blind Side here. This is a guest post by David E. Prince, my pastor and mentor at Ashland Avenue Baptist Church.

Babel and the Language of Adoption

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A few weeks ago Jonah (2yrs) met a man who knew Amharic.  We encouraged the man to try and speak to him in his former tongue.  Danae and I held our breath waiting to see how he would respond.  With a sense of confusion, Jonah looked at us to see if we approved.  He then looked at the man and said, “My name is Jonah!”  While Isaac (4yrs) remembers some Amharic, Jonah has forgotten most of his former vocabulary in a matter of five months.

This is something I don’t feel guilty about.  Not because English is better than Amharic, but because it is the language of our family, their family. There are even English words and phrases more unique to us than other families.  There is a thick Haskins’ dialect that you would hear from them, even if they were adopted from within the U.S.  This is what adoption does.

The barriers in communication that we have struggled through the last five months are not new to my family.  They are not new to any family who has adopted internationally. It is the residue of an ancient curse.

In Genesis 11, the consumation of man’s pride is met with the judgment of God.  Protecting man from sinking further into his exaltation, God separated men by confusing their language.  The story God is telling went from one family to many families. And yet, the curse of many words is not the final word.

Immediately, following the episode of Babel, the story of Abraham’s adoption begins.  God calls Abraham away from his family into a new family.  He tells him He will create through him a great family with a great name.  This family will bless all families.

Adoption is God’s way of redemption from the curse.  Throughout the Scripture, we see God speaking His word into the world full of many words.  Those who believe His word are adopted from the many families into one family, God’s family.

In Acts 2, we see peoples from the many words coming together at Pentecost to hear one word.  It is the word of the gospel.  It is a word about the man we call the Word, the Promise God gave Abraham in Genesis 12. The Word is overcoming many words and creating one family with one word.

Adoption meets the separation that occurred at Babel head on with one language.  In Christ, it is the redemptive sound of the gospel.  It transforms words rooted in pride that bring corruption into words seasoned with grace.  This new language spoken by your new family is to  overwhelm all other competing words, especially the words of your former father, sounds you should remember but can’t quite make them out.

I long for the day when I hear the sounds of my former wickedness and like Jonah all I know to do is turn to my Father.  And all I remember is my new name.

One year later – knowing them and knowing Him!

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One year ago I clicked on an email attachment and saw these two faces.  My wife and I had just committed to adopting them.  As this picture came up on my computer screen, I knew very little about them.  The feelings of contentment I now have when I hear their infectious laughter reverberate in our home I had never felt.  I had no idea how prideful I would be when noticing looks on the faces of strangers in public when they hear them call me daddy.

While I was clicking on a picture, thinking I was beginning a journey to know as father two boys thousands of miles away, God was taking me on a journey to know Him as Father in ways I never thought possible.

I know better the love my Father set upon me before the foundation of the world.  I am more amazed of my Father’s devotion to rescue me before I wanted to be rescued.  I am more confident in the truth of my own adoption and acceptance as a son in the Son.

One year ago, all I thought was that there were two little boys who had been left at an orphanage in Ethiopia and they needed us.  I never knew how much I needed them. I never knew how they would be used to teach me of a my Father’s love. But my Father knew!